This is disturbing. It’s a screenshot from a man’s instagram account and was posted on Twitter today. He has now locked his account.
okay, let me explain something to you. being part of an oppressed class really fucks you up. the more ostracized you are, the more damage is done to your mind. and sometimes, that damage manifests in “off putting” ways.
to this day, the most accurate portrayal of my own transgender psychosis I’ve ever seen was in Silence of the Lambs, when Buffalo Bill copes with being denied access to medical transitioning by skinning women alive and making a woman suit out of their flesh. that’s how badly he wants to be seen as a woman. his core was so wounded by being a trans woman in the deep south that he became a serial murderer. and i have never related to a fictional character more.
as a teenager, I would compulsively draw dismembered female bodies. i was obsessed with the female form, desperately recreating it over and over, imagining myself living inside that skin. and then my shame would lead me to ritualistically dismember that body on the page, piece by piece, with me still inside it. it was a binge and purge ritual, shamefully embracing my transgender feelings, and then compulsively punishing myself for it.
those transgender feelings were born already drenched in shame, so when they started to come out, they naturally had a sickly fetishistic vibe to them. it literally took decades for my transgender feelings to not manifest in genuinely dangerous ways.
i want you all to really understand this; the part of you that you’re most ashamed of will always look ugly when you first shine a light on it. anything that’s been deprived of love will look uglier as a result. just because it looks ugly now doesn’t mean it will always be ugly. you have to choose to love that part of yourself anyways, simply because it’s part of you, and the more you love it, the more beautiful it will become, and the more beautiful you will be.
share your most shameful traits in the comments! – @wren_nilla
Big Mean Sweaty Dyke 