I didn’t want a relationship. He threatened to kill me.

whenwomenrefuse:

When I moved to a new city in 2006, my apartment wasn’t quite ready. This meant the maintenance crew was often coming into my apartment while I was there. The supervisor was the one who came most often, and he seemed quite charming and friendly, a former soldier. We conversed whilst he was in my apartment and became friends. He even helped me when I had to switch apartments. After a while, he confessed that he had feelings for me and I told him I wasn’t ready or interested for any such thing because I had just gone through a divorce. I explained that I was happy to remain friends, but understood if he couldn’t because of how he felt. He assured me that he was okay with that, but it turns out he wasn’t.

As time went on he began to be possessive, to try to subtly pressure me into a relationship and to test boundaries by making sexual suggestions and saying he was joking if he didn’t get the desired response. Once I went out to a nightclub and he asked me to call when I got home so he knew I was safe. When I did, glad to have someone knowing I was out in case something happened, he asked me if I was alone and if I brought someone home with me. Irritated, I said no and that I was going to sleep. This was the start of pulling away.

Everything came to a head when I met one of his friends. Said friend and I got on quite well and enjoyed each other’s company, though there was nothing further than that because I still wasn’t ready for a relationship and his friend was in recovery and going to AA. The jealousy began and I would get quizzed each time we hung out without him. He then outright accused me of sleeping with his friend, which I denied and which solidified that I needed to step back from this. The final straw came when his friend and I went to see a local surfing competition. He called me to find out where I was and asked if I was alone. I was half-asleep and, before I could stop it, I said “yes” because I didn’t want to deal with the grilling I knew I would come. Well, he found out that I was with his friend through mutual friends they shared and called me in a rage, calling me names. His friend went to where he was to try and explain and apologize but got nowhere. Later that night, I got a phone call from who I thought was his friend. It wasn’t. It was him, and he was raging again, calling me a whore and various other names. I hung up on him and he called back, saying if I hung up again he’d kill his friend and then come over and kill me. His friend cried out from the background, “Please! GOD! Don’t hang up the phone! He’s serious! He has a knife!” I listened to him rage at me and his friend try to talk him out of harming us and telling him to just leave, which he eventually did. His friend told me that he had shown up, punched holes in his cabinets and walls, broken his laptop and thrown things around. His friend told me he was leaving to go elsewhere because he was afraid to stay there, but wouldn’t call police. I slept with a knife under my pillow that night. A month later, the friend was dead due to alcohol poisoning.

He had become friends with my brother and secured an invitation to his wedding. After this, I asked my brother to please rescind the invite and told him the story. My brother refused and the man stalked me all through the wedding, spending the time taking pictures of me. He cornered me, grabbing my arms and begging me not to let his friend’s death come between us. I managed to get free and tell him I wanted nothing more to do with him, this wasn’t appropriate and to leave me alone. He disappeared after that, even cutting off contact with my brother, though I was never comfortable until I’d moved again. Even now, I’m still terrified of him, of this man who thought he had a right to me and my body, that I was his property, just because he fancied me.